Worksheet

CHARMED Relationship Check-In

Intent: leave the conversation more charmed with yourself (clear, regulated, self-respecting) and more connected to the person across from you. Fill the sheet in together, then download it or print it for your records. Your answers stay in this browser unless you download them.

This worksheet is a way to run an Attunement Conversation on the relationship itself. It pairs well with consent, boundaries & rules, the RBDSM framework, and agency, discernment & embodied validation. If something heavier surfaces while you are filling it in, the repair & accountability page is the next stop, not this one.

Your answers stay in this browser.

0. Container

Pick a length, name a goal, and agree on the rules of engagement before you start. This is the frame that lets the rest of the conversation feel like an Attunement Conversation instead of a negotiation.

DateLength

Goal of this check-in. By the end, I want us to feel...Rules of engagement (slow pace, no cross-talk, either of us can pause at any time, anything else)

1, 2, 3, and 8. Steps each person fills in

Arrive in the body before words. Three breaths and a slow look around the room. Then move through your own column. Listener reflects back one sentence after each share: “What I heard was...”

Name

1. Body and capacityWhat I notice physically

Nervous system colorCapacity (1 to 10)

2. State of meWhat is most present in me latelyWhat is taking energy / what is giving energyOne thing I am proud of in how I am showing up

3. Warmth and acknowledgementOne thing I appreciate about you or usOne moment I felt close, safe, or seen

8. CHARMED approval (close)Do I feel more me after this conversation?Am I clear on what I am choosing?Do I consent to these agreements?One thing I need now to land (hug, space, snack, silence, walk)

Name

1. Body and capacityWhat I notice physically

Nervous system colorCapacity (1 to 10)

2. State of meWhat is most present in me latelyWhat is taking energy / what is giving energyOne thing I am proud of in how I am showing up

3. Warmth and acknowledgementOne thing I appreciate about you or usOne moment I felt close, safe, or seen

8. CHARMED approval (close)Do I feel more me after this conversation?Am I clear on what I am choosing?Do I consent to these agreements?One thing I need now to land (hug, space, snack, silence, walk)

4. Connection reality check

Pick one lane. Stay in that lane for this check-in. Use impact language so the conversation stays inside your own experience: “When X happened, my body did Y, and I made it mean Z.”

Notes on the lane you pickedImpact statement

5. Boundaries and consent update

This is the self-respect section. A boundary is a statement about yourself, not a rule for the other person. See Consent, Boundaries & Rules if you want the longer version of the distinction.

A clear yes for me right nowA no, or not availableA maybe, and the conditions that would make it a yesRenegotiations needed (time, texting, touch, intimacy, expectations)Micro-consent notes. Ask: do you want comfort, solutions, or just witnessing? Are you open to hearing a request?

6. Desire and longing

Not pressure, signal. If the desire feels shaky or urgent, that is information too. Checking the quality of a yes against the body is a core move from agency, discernment & embodied validation.

What I am craving (attention, affection, space, play, depth, slowness)Quality of this desire. Clean, curious, and resourced? Or compensatory, urgent, shaky?What would feel nourishing this week

7. Agreements and next steps

Keep it simple and trackable. One to three agreements, max. Note who does what, by when, and what support is needed. Examples: two intentional hangs this week, text check-in cadence, touch boundaries for the week.

Agreements

Variant

Standard runs all eight steps. The quick version compresses it to ten minutes. The new-relationship and long-term variants add two extra prompts inside section 7.